My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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