So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
