it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize