u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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