you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
