It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
