So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Boobs speak an international language.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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