this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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