either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
