She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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