I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
