8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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