Even water is tasting like jack daniels
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
