So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
