I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
