you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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