He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
