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Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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