This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
