I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize