pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
honey bunches of taint.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
