I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
