the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
