We won't sleep together?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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