so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
