Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
