words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
