I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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