you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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