and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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