So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize