he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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