So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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