So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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