So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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