Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize