That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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