White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Barsexuality is the new black.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
