he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
