i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
