toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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