Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
