Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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