I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
