all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
