we have officially lost it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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