Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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