Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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