And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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