Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
the liver wants what the liver wants
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
