i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
