take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
