i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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