I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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